I am learning that writing is so much more than an art of creative expression. You just can’t place words on paper and expect to win the Pulitzer Prize. It’s writing with discipline so the art has its maximum enjoyment factor. I love the power of words but I have the tendency to use too many of them. Overwriting and inundating the reader with more information than what is necessary is an area I need to improve on. I’ve had to eliminate several words that have helped tighten up some of my sentences. I have struggled with dialogue in terms of how to make it flow more naturally while avoiding redundancy. This is an area that will require some work to perfect on my behalf. The point of view of my characters has also been a challenge in that it’s good not to have too many of them in the same scene. I also need to work on how I go about placing the location of the action of a scene. Is it a past, present or a future tense?
I must say that I am at a much better place than I was when our class started. Now I have something to work with. I like the new tools I am acquiring in my editing toolbox. I am sure that I will need many more as I continue improving my skills as a writer.
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inside his being. He had his share of challenges but this one was off the
charts. How could an innocent and respectable man end up as a hostage in such a
hostile and volatile place? His sense of
security was growing thin. The hand plane of time was reshaping his world.
had remained aloof with Adahy. Jack
needed to refocus and he knew the best way to do so was to be honest in
acknowledging his fears.
the corner of the stall, their shared space of confinement. Maybe he was
searching for a sign of hope in Adahy’s eyes. Whatever it was Adahy must have
perceived Jack’s need. He sat up and asked, “What is it Jack?”
ago I decided to leave behind all my troubles at the trailhead. I actually
thought I had succeeded, but look where I am now.” Jack said mockingly as he
rolled his eyes.”
wrestling with his thoughts.
Emily, my wife, I had to hike the AT to get away from the pressures of my life.
My consulting business tanked, my two kids hate my guts, and Emily thinks I’m
having an affair with one of her friends,” Jack continued.
Scott received input from me as well as his peers on our class wiki. He rewrote the above selection about seven times. Here is the final character sketch:
Definite improvement on the writing sample!I cringe when I think how wordy my writing used to be. Now I love the challenge of saying more with fewer words. Thanks for sharing your experience,Scott!
Even established writers still struggle with some of the same things you are struggling with, Scott. As for dialog flowing “naturally”, just think of that as the conversation you just had with a friend, recording the words as they are spoken to you. My characters' personalities show in their dialog so getting that part isn't as hard for me as getting the narrative, non-dialog sections down in a manner that is logical or coherent. I guess it's a good thing I write short stories and don't have to depend on too much narrative and that my stories are more dialog-laden than prose. Good luck with your story and have fun in Carol's class. See you all in the postings – E :)Elysabeth ElderingAuthor of FINALLY HOME, a middle grade/YA paranormal mystery (written similar to a Nancy Drew mystery)http://elysabethsstories.blogspot.comhttp://eeldering.weebly.com
Carol,Your group is doing some powerful work. I like how there is more showing in this one. Very much improved.A few details the writer might want to add: Jack is aloof for “three” days. Make it clear that they are in prison. Should stall be replaced with jail cell? Keep up the excellent instruction.
Thanks friends, for sharing your thoughts with Scott. JOyce– your instruction & experience has definitely filtered through me to Scott! I know he'll appreciate this feedback on his writing.
Wow, what an amazing revision! I wonder if putting the manuscript aside for a few hours or days helped Scott SEE all that needed revising? What an improvement! Way to go Scott and kudos to you Carol for helping Scott become a revision believer :)
Thanks, DOrothy. Just passing along what has taken me YEARS to learn!
I think taking your class would be so much fun and very helpful, indeed! And Scott has done a great job with the rewrite!
I think taking your class would be so much fun and very helpful, indeed! And Scott has done a great job with the rewrite!
Definite improvement on the writing sample!I cringe when I think how wordy my writing used to be. Now I love the challenge of saying more with fewer words. Thanks for sharing your experience,Scott!
Even established writers still struggle with some of the same things you are struggling with, Scott. As for dialog flowing “naturally”, just think of that as the conversation you just had with a friend, recording the words as they are spoken to you. My characters' personalities show in their dialog so getting that part isn't as hard for me as getting the narrative, non-dialog sections down in a manner that is logical or coherent. I guess it's a good thing I write short stories and don't have to depend on too much narrative and that my stories are more dialog-laden than prose. Good luck with your story and have fun in Carol's class. See you all in the postings – E :)Elysabeth ElderingAuthor of FINALLY HOME, a middle grade/YA paranormal mystery (written similar to a Nancy Drew mystery)http://elysabethsstories.blogspot.comhttp://eeldering.weebly.com
Carol,Your group is doing some powerful work. I like how there is more showing in this one. Very much improved.A few details the writer might want to add: Jack is aloof for “three” days. Make it clear that they are in prison. Should stall be replaced with jail cell? Keep up the excellent instruction.
Thanks friends, for sharing your thoughts with Scott. JOyce– your instruction & experience has definitely filtered through me to Scott! I know he'll appreciate this feedback on his writing.
Wow, what an amazing revision! I wonder if putting the manuscript aside for a few hours or days helped Scott SEE all that needed revising? What an improvement! Way to go Scott and kudos to you Carol for helping Scott become a revision believer :)
Thanks, DOrothy. Just passing along what has taken me YEARS to learn!
I think taking your class would be so much fun and very helpful, indeed! And Scott has done a great job with the rewrite!
I think taking your class would be so much fun and very helpful, indeed! And Scott has done a great job with the rewrite!